That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my shit smells like andre
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
