when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
