I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
