When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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