My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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