If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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