he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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