i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
