Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
