when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
