What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
