I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
