the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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