You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize