are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
