I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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