Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
