I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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