operation have a gay friend backfired
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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