Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
