so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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