i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
