Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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