I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
