I just threw up on my dentist
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
