I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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