Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
