dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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