you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
