Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Michael Bay diarrhea
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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