Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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