Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
last night I used snow as a chaser
PANTIES FOUND
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