Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
