Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize