i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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