things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
bring money and cleavage
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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