i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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