Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
