you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
