Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
