Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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