Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
