Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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