Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
