I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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