I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it hurts more in the daytime
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
