Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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