My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
