I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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