i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
