They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
