I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
