had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
