Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
