I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
