My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
