I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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