i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
