I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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