i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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