Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize