The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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