The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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