I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
