That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
