...so i touched it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
