so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
